Don't believe everything you think!

Our minds tend to lead with a negative bias, a survival instinct from years gone by. Sometimes negative or unhelpful thoughts can pass through with hardly any recognition but they can become problematic when we start to tune in to them, and when we accept them as fact.

Self-talk can of course be positive, empathetic and encouraging, but it can also be negative, judgemental and harsh, leading to changes in the way we think, and even our behaviours.

For example, take a task that you've been struggling with. Netagive self-talk could be "I'm rubbish at this", or "I can't do anything well." By taking a moment to ask whether such thoughts are true, we might be able to reframe to a more helpful thought such as "I'm still learning and that's ok", or "I'm good a lots of things but just struggled with this."

It is not possible or realistic to counter every negative thought, and we should be careful not to invalidate our own thoughts and feelings. However, we should be mindful of how well our thoughts are serving us. We can ask ourselves questions, such as;

• Is it factual?

• Is there evidence to support the thought?

• Is there evidence to counter the thought?

• Could there be a way to reframe the thought?

• How would I support someone else thinking this way?

It can also be useful to be aware of some of the common negative thinking patterns, and to consider if we are in a mindset that could be aligned to one of them. Here are just a few to consider;

• All or Nothing Thinking

  Believing only extremes are possible e.g. if something isn't completely perfect, it must equate to a failure. This can also include absolute langauge such as 'I must', and 'I can't'. Try to swapping this out with kinder language like 'I would like to', or 'I could try if'.

  
  

• Catastrophising

  Assuming the worst of a situation, or the worst possible outcome. We often consider the worst but, if it doesn't come true, we have still suffered as our minds will react as if it has happened.

  
  

• Filtering

  Ignoring or minimising positives and focussing on negatives only.

  
  

• Fortune Telling

  Trying to second guess outcomes, or how people are thinking.

  
  

• Over-Generalisation

  When something negative happens, applying the outcome to all areas of our lives. For example, if we fail a test, we might over-generalise "I'm a failure at everything." A useful re-frame here is to consider what we might say to a friend in this situation as we are often kinder to others than to ourselves.

  
  

• Personalisation and Blame

  Blaming ourselves for things not in our control, or only partially in our control. Conversely, this can also see blame placed on someone else instead of considering our part.

Keeping a journal, thought diary, or worry list can be a useful way to reflect on your thoughts. Doing so may support in understanding whether your thoughts fit into any of the negative thinking patterns above, and provide an opportunity to challenge whether they are really true, helpful, or in your control.