Self-Care is Not Selfish

A common analogy used to highlight the importance of self-care is that of a pre-flight safety briefing, where you are told to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others with theirs. Whilst it might sound cliche, it is worth reflecting on. How can you take care of others if you are not taking care of your own wellbeing first?

I often speak with people who feel the need to apologise for putting themselves first, or caveat their sentence with "Selfishly, I need to put myself first.” But is it selfish to afford yourself the same care and compassion you would show to others? The answer is no, it's not selfish, in fact it is entirely necessary - self-care is not selfish.

Self-care is about finding ways to boost and protect your own wellbeing, being mindful of your values, and aware of your own boundaries. Of course, perfection is not realistic. There will always be things in life which don't align with your values, which test your boundaries, or situations which use your energy. Self-care can be an antidote to those things, helping to recharge and protect your own wellbeing.

Self-care looks different for each of us. Consider for a moment what images are conjoured up in your mind when you think about self-care? Perhaps it’s a spa day, a warm bubble bath, 30 minutes of meditation, or sitting down to read a book? Any one or all of these are valid because self-care can take many forms;

• A moment of quiet to gather your thoughts

• Time taken to reflect on what you're grateful for

• A walk in the countryside

• A call with a friend

• Spending time on a hobby

• Meeting with with friends and family

• Protecting your own boundaries

What about saying "no"?

Being able to say no can be an important word used in self-care, but can also be a difficult word to use, especially without feeling the need to add justification. This is often because, without wanting to over generalise, a lot of us like to be liked and this can mean we compromise on our own needs to please others - often without even realising we're doing so. This is ok, it's only human to be kind, to want to support and please others. However, this can become an issue if your own wellbeing is being compromised as a result.

Think about a time when you've been invited to an event when all you really wanted to do was go home, run a bath, and put your feet up. It can actually be quite empowering to be able to say no to something. So why can this be so difficult to do? Perhaps it's a fear of the other persons reaction, or not wanting to disappoint them. This is a perfectly natural thought process - our brains are good at serving us up a worst case outcome - ultimately, convincing us it's better to just say “yes” in this scenario. But what if the roles were reversed and it was your friend saying “no” - imagine the conversation;

"I'm not going to be attending tonight"

"Oh, how come?"

"I just want to go home and recharge"

A simplistic example I admit, but the chances are you would accept and respect your friend's wishes, perhaps asking them if everything is ok too. It is this same level of compassion and kindness that you deserve to show yourself. To be able to say “no” to something when you feel you want or need to, without fear of judgement for doing so.

So, self-care is those things that bring you moments of joy, it is those moments to relax and recharge, it is connecting with yourself, it's being present, and it's unapologetically saying no to prioritise yourself.

Ask yourself; What will I do for my own self-care today?